Gooseletter 4
A couple reasons to drink Bud Light
My readers shouldn’t need reasons to drink the lighter version of the King of Beers. However, I’ll fall on the sword and provide, at the very least, some jesterfication for your royal consumption. Especially when someone questions your crusade of draining a couple (or seven) bud diesels with your buddy Lance on a week(Bud K)night:
Spuds Mackenzie: The party loving, happening dude everyone should aspire to be. We all grew up idolizing this hairy, (merrier than most) bull terrier as he blessed living rooms on football Sundays throughout the 80’s. His stardom may predate our time, but his popularity at SoCal-Rasta-Cowboy themed parties should deter our sobriety on Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday week nights. Let’s keep suckin 'em down for Spuds.
A history of failing to attract women: Sheesh call me out why don’t ya. But it's true, in 1991 a legend by the name of Richard Overton sued Budweiser after their advertisements depicted a fantasy lifestyle of “beautiful women and men engaged in unrestricted merriment.” Entranced by the ads, he housed a few BL’s and suffered “physical and mental injury, emotional distress, and financial loss” when his buzz didn’t result in babes. Richie experienced what we all do after a night out, but he had the cajones to sue for 10k. Legend, kinda.
If these dawgs don’t crack you up and encourage you to crack a cold one, I don’t know what will.
An off the gridiron sports legend from LSU
Just gonna geaux ahead and acknowledge the greats Ed Orgeron, Joe Burreau, Justin Jefferson, etc. that were part of that historic season. As well as all the great number 7’s throughout the years challenging Jack Daniel’s claim on the number …. BUT the man I’m referring to played a sport with a more spherical ball.
Speaking of balls, let me introduce Todd Peterson (Pitcher) for the unranked tigahs. In an SEC tournament elimination game against the 24 ranked Razorbacks, he’s up to bat with two outs (and an 0-2 count) in extra innings. With men on 1st and 3rd, he hits a double off the wall scoring two and securing the dub. Dope, but the catch (or lack there of)?
In this postgame interview, in response to a question about the last time he had an at bat, he tells his coach in the post-game presser, “yeah in high school I guess...coach I gotta be honest with you I never hit in high school. My coaches didn’t let me. Yanno I did hit BP a couple times and I did hit nukes.”
Todd’s insubordinate achievement should be a lesson to all of us. If you’re like me and unqualified for the job you’re at, lie to your boss and go yard.
Have small calves been weighing you down?
Time for a health tip! Although it seems like a no-brainer, life-hack shortcut, wearing ankle weights around the house does not get the results you're expecting. Instead you’ll be met with soreness and blisters. Take the easy way out and wear pants.
Banger of the Week
I recently gave this nice little tune a listen and noticed that contrary to popular belief, it’s actually quite sincere. I think this deep dive into some of the lyrics will uncover the 3 prevailing, heartfelt themes in this song,
Theme 1: Brotherly love
Lyric: “Run up on that n****, get to squeezing, ho, squeezing, ho”
I think this urge to hug a friend is something we can all relate to during this quarantine. Just like Bobby, I plan on running (not walking) over to embrace my buds once we’re reunited. The values Bobby is clearly trying to drive home here are ones of camaraderie, love, and friendship. Along with plenty of screen time in the music video, he’s kind enough to name drop buddies of his such as Trigger, Phantom, and Meeshie on the track. Meanwhile, you’ve got other rappers like Drake not publicly acknowledging the existence of an illegitimate son. You’re a real class act Drake. What an awful example to set.
Theme: A healthy lifestyle
Lyric: “Try to run down and you can catch a shot, n****”
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Bobby is talking about basketball. These lyrics clearly indicate that he hustles up and down the court, and is a pass-first point guard looking to distribute. Regardless of his talents on the hardwood, he’s promoting a healthy activity.
Lyric: “Running through these checks 'til I pass out”
Now I gotta give credit to Bobby for this cryptic lyric, but he couldn’t sneak it past me. Translation: he’s jogging in a pair of Nike’s until he collapses or the shoe falls apart. Although cardio to the point of exhaustion is a bit extreme, I don’t blame him. I mean you don’t walk into a negotiation and blurt out the price you’ll settle for first thing. Nothing wrong with advocating for cardiovascular health.
Theme: Animal rights activist
Lyric: “That's what got my daddy locked up in the dog pound (Huh). Free Greezy though, let all of my dogs out”
A call out to the Baha Men’s classic hit “Who let the dogs out,” with a politically driven message. I can only assume Greezy is the name of a dog Bobby visited at the local Pets Lifeline.
He considers his K-9 brethren family, and feels strongly about the number of dogs who live their lives locked up in a pound instead of cuddled up with an owner. Take notes Mike Vick. Did you think all the prison and violence references in this song were about people? Wrong species my friend.
Bobby Shmurda is on track to be released from prison in 2021. With 2020 being such a disaster, I can’t be the only one who thinks that releasing Bobby early would bring the positivity this world needs.