Quarantine activities you’ve considered doing but even if you start there’s no way you’ll see them through

 

Strengthening your core

This is right around the time you should be miraculously shapeshifting into a less than ideal summer bod. You have all the time in the world. The only equipment required for ab workouts is the floor. Is 2020 gonna be the year of the core? Hard no. It’s not a lack of knowledge when it comes to workouts. Remember how fit you were when you played that sport in high school? No, it’s the fact that any other activity in the world will take precedence over sit ups. For someone who spends the majority of the day horizontal in bed, it’s insane how reluctant you are to lay down on the floor and crush abs. I mean summer will probably be cancelled anyway, what’s the point?

 

Practicing your putting

Would-be Masters weekend at Augusta just passed. You grab a red solo cup and a couple balls and start putting on the carpet to the tune of Ray Charles’ “Georgia on my mind.” There is no way this lasts more than 10 minutes, it’s not that fun. You’ve never had a good short game anyway, you pride yourself on piss missiles from the tee baby.

Learning guitar (or any instrument)

Your parents might have had you take guitar or piano lessons for a couple months when you were 8. You’ve been telling yourself (and anyone else who would listen) that you know the fundamentals and could play guitar if you really set your mind to it for a couple days. It’s just like riding a bike, right? You’re overestimating. I’ll give it about an hour and before you get too frustrated to continue. You’ll convince yourself you’re quitting out of respect for your roommates, and to save some pussy for the rest of the boys once parties are a thing again.

 

A puzzle

There’s no point. It’s a ton of work and you end up breaking it apart again when you’re done. Odds are it’s missing a piece anyway.

Cooking or baking

This goes one of two ways after you look up a recipe. 1) You’re missing 1 or more ingredients. It’s not worth going to the store. 2) You gave it your best shot and it turned out really, really bad. You claim you followed the instructions step by step. You blame the recipe. You never try again.